The pursuit of sadness
Have you ever experienced such a feeling that by each passing moment it feels like something is terribly missing? Something isn’t right. Have you ever faced this miserable –sinful feeling that everyone around you is in a situation just because of you.
I am in such a phase for the past few days. I know I am committing a crime. It’s only my musing power that has gone beyond its acceptable limit and is the culprit of my pitiful condition. I prefer to remain silent, full of self guilt, confused, in a state of emptiness, hopelessness.. ..Simply sad (you can imagine any bollywood movie scene) losing my beautiful life’s battle to my worries and fear. It’s so easy to fall into feelings of despair.
Why am I like this…One day I am so cheerful and happy like a sunshine, the other day sad, crying, despair ? (cut short chinta mani)
Sadness and happiness are two relative words (oh come on everybody knows this, what’s new?) .We , homosapiens! Always try to protect ourselves from sadness, run away from the things that have the potential to hit back at us, make us feel as if we are powerless to change these circumstances. It’s an irony; we worry and fear for things that make us happy. We remain in doubt whether they will happen. Why don’t we simply make them happen?
It’s our time, It’s our life, we can do what we like, for the price of a smile, why do we cry?
“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”
I love drama. I am in love with life and have full of emotions. I am a genius of sadness, can immerse myself deeply into it, can separate numerous strands. I am a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum. I am sad; at times I am like this.
Am I sad? Am I in pain? Yes I am. I should be rather grateful, I feel alive . Else , its just work all day, moving from one task to the other . I should be happy, I am alive as a human not a machine. I got a reason to celebrate myself and take a break.
Life is a perfect balance. (Thee has designed it like this way, and how come He can go wrong!) There are two beams which depict two phases of our life in a cyclic way. At a given point of time, only one is heavier.
As per my observations (I haven’t lived even half of average life boosted by experts) One beam is for feelings of joy, confidence, strong self esteem and feeling on cloud 9. Another beam is for despair, a lack of finding meaning/answer/purpose of life. Sometimes walking back home I realize how miraculous is the feeling of being alive and blessed with what a wonderful gift –Life , the most undefined , unwritten , unpredicted and unknown. There are days when the same path let me wonder about the disasters in an instant ! Money, health, relationships, friends everything (surprisingly, they all go off track together) act like a black hole; pulling me to their indefinite depth and making me lost to nowhere.
In midst of such circumstances we curse God, ‘where is HE while all this is happening to me? ‘ How many of us have actually got the answer ? The same beautiful, precious Life seems to be a brutal struggle.
There is one more characteristic of Life – it’s uncertain. We often tend to forget this. It’s our mistake not His.
Sometimes we do not achieve what we set out to do, or something we have had or achieved is taken from us. When the world about us changes, particularly if it is sudden or dramatic, we must adapt to everything. The world is then not what we thought. We are not what we thought we were.. The old picture has been taken away, the old world we knew that gave us comfort is gone, there is no choice but to form a new world, a new picture of how we think things are.
Stay Happy , keep smilling 🙂
PS : “Don’t be ashamed to weep; ’tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our lost ones is sealed inside to comfort us.”
― Brian Jacques, Taggerung
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