Saakshi Nagpal

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Birth Of A Social Networking Loner

Awsome article ….

“Writers know marketing is part of the publishing process. They also know it should start early, well before a book summons its first paying reader. But here’s the snag. Many writers are introverts. That is probably why we like to write. We are alone. With our thoughts. Thoughts easier to reveal by keyboard than mouth ”

Read more at :

Birth Of A Social Networking Loner.

The pursuit of sadness

Have you ever experienced such a feeling that by each passing moment it feels like something is terribly missing? Something isn’t right. Have you ever faced this miserable –sinful feeling that everyone around you is in a situation just because of you.

I am in such a phase for the past few days. I know I am committing a crime. It’s only my musing power that has gone beyond its acceptable limit and is the culprit of my pitiful condition.  I prefer to remain silent, full of self guilt, confused, in a state of emptiness, hopelessness.. ..Simply sad (you can imagine any bollywood movie scene) losing my beautiful life’s battle to my worries and fear. It’s so easy to fall into feelings of despair.

 Why am I like this…One day I am so cheerful and happy like a sunshine, the other day sad, crying, despair  ? (cut short chinta mani)

Sadness and happiness are two relative words (oh come on everybody knows this, what’s new?) .We , homosapiens!  Always try to protect ourselves from sadness, run away from the things that have the potential to hit back at us, make us feel as if we are powerless to change these circumstances.  It’s an irony; we worry and fear for things that make us happy. We remain in doubt whether they will happen. Why don’t we simply make them happen? 

It’s our time, It’s our life, we can do what we like, for the price of a smile, why do we cry?

You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”

I love drama. I am in love with life and have full of emotions. I am a genius of sadness, can immerse myself deeply into it, can separate numerous strands. I am a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum. I am sad; at times I am like this.

Am I sad? Am I in pain? Yes I am. I should be rather grateful, I feel alive . Else , its just work all day, moving from one task to the other . I should be happy, I am alive as a human not a machine. I got a reason to celebrate myself and take a break.

Life is a perfect balance. (Thee has designed it like this way, and how come He can go wrong!) There are two beams which depict two phases of our life in a cyclic way. At a given point of time, only one is heavier.

As per my observations (I haven’t lived even half of average life boosted by experts) One beam is for feelings of joy, confidence, strong self esteem and feeling on cloud 9. Another beam is for despair, a lack of finding meaning/answer/purpose of life. Sometimes walking back home I realize how miraculous is the feeling of being alive and blessed with what a wonderful gift –Life , the most undefined , unwritten , unpredicted and  unknown. There are days when the same path let me wonder about the disasters in an instant ! Money, health, relationships, friends everything (surprisingly, they all go off track together) act like a black hole; pulling me to their indefinite depth and making me lost to nowhere.

In midst of such circumstances we curse God, ‘where is HE  while all this is happening to me? ‘ How many of us have actually got the answer ? The same beautiful, precious Life seems to be a brutal struggle.

There is one more characteristic of Life – it’s uncertain. We often tend to forget this. It’s our mistake not His.

Sometimes we do not achieve what we set out to do, or something we have had or achieved is taken from us. When the world about us changes, particularly if it is sudden or dramatic, we must adapt to everything. The world is then not what we thought. We are not what we thought we were.. The old picture has been taken away, the old world we knew  that gave us comfort is gone, there is no choice but to form a new world, a new picture of how we think things are.


Stay Happy , keep smilling 🙂


PS :  “Don’t be ashamed to weep; ’tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our lost ones is sealed inside to comfort us.”
Brian Jacques, Taggerung


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Anger is one short of Danger

To ‘ one’  world, I am better known as rude, harsh, cold, stubborn, hard headed, short tempered snobbish lady. For them, may be, I am. Frustrations, anger and irritations are the demons, which surround me (not sure, us) and haunt me (At least, yes, to me) time to time.

Once upon a time on one fine day, which was not like just another day , I was suffering from anger , due to some unexpected conversations with a  good (I mean it) friend. I realized, somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in midst of such sentimental attack;  I was still free ; free to hate the things that hurt me;  free to disconnect the phone and acknowledge my anger;  free to louder the music (free – for the matter of fact my neighbors are out for holidays)  and just dance like a emotion-free , stress-free, tiredness-free mad girl. I am still free to hate the moments that were torturing me, or to forgive me.

It doesn’t sound like much!

I know.

But in the flinch and bite of the solitude (hate to call, loneliness) , (self) locked in the confines of a small room , echoes of highway midnight traffic , what’s all I have got is freedom. I read this somewhere; freedom is like, universe of possibilities.

I am not that kind of person who can talk at length about negativity (they give me a sick feeling). Rather, I am the kind of person who in spite being red hot in anger will think of possibilities to come out with a little more than the wiser and calmer me, there should be (has to be) some gain out of it.

If you search on anger management on internet, you will find a very long list of remedies. Drinking lots of water, meditation, taking a nap, talking/yelling to/at a friend, maintain a silence, count till ten, deep breathes etc etc. Perhaps they may work or even may not, like in my case, nothing like this, I believe one has to find out the fixtures on their own (they depend person to person, affinity to affinity).

Below are the remedies for anger control, which I follow.

( Note: Please don’t blindly follow them, think before you do.)

1.       Dance

Take away points – Burn calories, Toned body , major stress relief for calmer and focused me.

Losing points – You can try this if and only if you are at home and music volume should be convenient to neighbors.

2.       Walk to the nearest mall.

Take away points – Everybody knows the benefits of walking. I mention walking to the nearest mall for those who are shopaholics. Every time I visit any shopping mall, I get to listen Enrique Iglesias (hearing him is always soothing).

Losing points – Keep the minimum amount of cash with you and please leave cards at home.

3.       Shop

The moment you have read the word ‘shop’ you have imagined yourself with bags full of clothes, footwear, accessories etc. Stop those imaginary horses there only. When in anger, you have have to shop smarty. Otherwise your pockets/credit card bills will make sure to provide you another shot of anger.

Take away points – Shop for groceries , bed linens , books , music…chances are there would be little wastage and they will be in use for long. For bed linen, I can anytime gift them.

Losing Points – If the anger meter is at alarming rate, skip shopping and enjoy movie.


4.       Write

Take away points – Twitter , Facebook , Blogs, Personal documents describe a groundbreaker and game changer. I can never let myself down.

Losing Points – In anger or in whatever scenario, don’t ever, disrespect/abuse/spread bad word for the cause of anger. Every coin has two sides, respect that.


5.       Interact

Take away points –I Interact to enrich my social network of peers, colleagues, even my competitors. My willingness to listen and learn (Running away from the reason, why I am so upset) from all the people I interact, help me to be a better person.

Losing Points – Mind your words and tone.


Earlier in my teenage and early 20 days (again, guessing my age !! bad idea) I used to break things, at times yell in a screaming-itchy-irky  tone and have a compulsive eating disorder. With anger I was in danger.

Now, with a bit of life experience and a blessed happening life (frequent in –out) I have learnt this in a hard way that anger is one short of danger. And I am happy to announce I have found my , one short.


Keep Cool,


2011 – Monthly Bulletin

Countdown has begun. We all have lived an awesome 2011 and desperately waiting for 2012.

Just thought of sharing my eventful year with you all , presented  in a bullet list. One sentence for each month.

Disclaimer: I might have missed some important ones , because I have totally relied on my twitter account for this particular blog. I am too bad with something called ‘memory’ and unfortunately not much active on twitter.

Here it is .. what I call 2011  in my life …

  • January  2011:

Back from Hyderabad (my first train journey)  and Welcome 2011 with the 2 month long cough, bad isn’t. But some how managed to enjoy Jim Corbett trip with my humpty-dumpty avatar.

  • February  2011:

Finally start writing, made account on wordpress and here goes my first blog. BA – Hidden Leaders

  • March 2011 :

India won the world cup and I lost my world.

  • April  2011:

Restless , Reckless and anxious month

  • May  2011:

I am a water baby !! Loved Rishikesh trip to the core. Discovered the kid in me :). Re discovered a friend after almost a decade.

  • June 2011 :

Tweeted nothing substantial and my memory never last forever.

  • July 2011 :

Monsoons blessed me with best friend betrays 😦 red ants 😦 , elongated power cuts 😦 and toastmasters 🙂 . Round trip to Banglore.

  • August 2011 :

New laptop , new internet connection. Dreams flying high!!

  • September  2011:

Initiated the noble cause of sending  everyone in my contact list , their daily dose of motivational and inspirational quotes as a SMS. If you are not in my SMS list , you can still get your daily dose for month of December here : Daily Inspirational Quotes – December 2011

  • October 2011 :

Fragile month ! Spend whole month in studying Agile Methodologies, preparing Cross Culture Communication training course and Diwali celebrations.

  • November  2011:

Marriage season is on, all my best friends are getting married. Me? I am now Rockstar personified.

  • December  2011:

As the year is approaching to its end, I wish 2 things to do daily – write and workout.

I believe I will work on both , some day , ahh !!

Let me know , how 2011 was for you all ? And how much you are waiting for 2012?

Wish you a happy and happening 2012 !

I am waiting.

I am waiting

Who I am ? What I am doing? What I like talking about? What I will be (or should be) talking about? What gives me the kick to get start something productive? What I am doing here? Why I am here? Who the hell I am?

These are the many questions I ask myself whenever I visit myself. I want to know who is the real person behind these thoughts? I want to find out from where I get this go-get-up-and-start-doing something feeling?

I always wonder about my qualifications (hey , not my educational qualifications , I am talking about the qualifications that define a person , qualifications that make a soul) are they satisfactorily enough to waste my time doing all these brain storming ?

I don’t know is it actually good or bad for me , I don’t trust people easily ,not  even myself. So every time when I have this go-get- up-and-start-doing type feeling I usually feel in aggressive hyper active mode and actually start working on it.

This is the last week (Fiscal week 52, as we say 🙂  ) of 2011 and as per my learning’s and analysis , I have planned some serious things for 2012 that I MUST DO, so just relaxing this moment and waiting…

What I am waiting for?

I am waiting against all hopes that Delhi temperature would fall near to zero and it will snow (ahh !! every winter I wish to see snow in New Delhi.)  I am waiting that my cough will go soon and I will be enjoying. ( having a horrendous cough due to some environmental allergy).  I am waiting for Brida (book by Poulo Coelho) to finally choose her soulmate. I am waiting for Agneepath to release.

I am waiting for January to start my MBA.I am waiting for my payslip with some increase figure (ok , this won’t be possible in 2011, I admit).I am waiting for my Christmas gift ( assuming some have thought of sending me.)

I am waiting to get used to a healthy routine. I am waiting when I would proudly exclude myself from ‘the foodie’ list.  I am waiting to see how the recent happenings would turn out in January 2012. I am waiting to hear someone from the other end of country.

I am waiting to finish my inbox-ed tasks and plan my New Year party. I am waiting for my next holiday. I am waiting for my dost to get married. I am waiting for someone to ask me out for a drive in this chilly-foggy night.(The naughty me 😉 )

And , now while I am waiting for my dinner , I should stop waiting and rather do something actually.

Girls please don’t wait for Santa to silently hear your wish and make it true. Rather be a dirty doll and go ahead and ask for it!!

Merry Christmas!!

Oh ! I am so stressed out !!

 Though I am a very positive person, but sometimes negativity tempts me more. And there are days when I am completely stressed out. The day today (okay, its already past midnight, so yesterday) was one of those days.

 They say , If you don’t have a good work-life balance, you can be successful but not happy. To achieve both, it’s necessary to focus on four life quadrants: work, family, friends and self. All four are equally important. If you focus on all these and maintain discipline, it’s more-or-less a done deal.

 Today, I failed on all of them :

 a) Work

 I won’t say it was a bad day, as it was actually worst or can say the trend continues as the whole week was something like this. Daily facing one issue or the other which is critically impacting my work.

 (See how I miss the goodies this week has offered me : appreciation from senior level , promotion, challenges , etc etc, oh !! I am so stressed out !)

b) Family

 My dad , if he is reading this will cool down for sure. He is calling me multiple times a day , just to fix few things and I am such a bad daughter ; not able to respond properly (how can I be such busy? )

(See how I miss my mom , who is doing all the rounds to market getting my sari ready and arranging gifts for my best friend’s wedding, oh !! I am so stressed out !)

c) Friends

Ah , she will kill me . My best friend from college days is getting married tomorrow (now its Saturday, remember its already past midnight). We four friends made a pack during our engineering days that whom-so-ever will marry first; the rest three will take a month long leave and will help in every kind of work. I was the first to apply leave (not month long, but 4 days for all the Indian wedding rituals) and get it approved. But what you will call , my bad luck , I am stuck with this pending work , which I just can’t ignore and go on vacations !! You know , why she will definitely kill me , because , I am canceling my programs at the 11th hour and haven’t informed her till now.

 (See how I miss the optimist side , though I am canceling the first 3 rituals but making efforts to attend her marriage even if that includes midnight traveling, oh !! I am so stressed out ! )

d) Self

 I pity myself.

Among all the mess that is happening Saakshi Nagpal is the one who is suffering the most . Her internet connection is giving problems , her pending task list is no where to finish, she has no time for shopping !! (girl failing to do shopping , oh man , she  needs sympathy). Apparently she doesn’t want to wear sneakers below a gorgeous sari :(.

 She is missing her best friends henna night (The most fun part of Indian marriage or can be better defined socially allowed all girls night out with crazy dancing on dhol beats). She has failed to plan and prioritize.

(So I miss the most important artifact of life ,love !! My family , friends and colleagues , all helping me out knowingly or unknowingly with one thing or the other, Because they love me . oh !! I am so stressed out ! )

I am actually stressed out and need some sound sleep , before I start looking like a zombie. After all some good days are just close by , when I will meeting my long-time-no-see friends.

 Dozing off.

 Good Night


Bungee Jumping or Skydiving ?

Though, I have never tried anyone. But, I will love to do skydiving one day. Imagine the thrill of being thousands of feet above the ground and being on your own. That moment would definitely be the best moment of life.


How lately have you experienced the power of your DREAMS??

Will you put efforts to DECODE them???

How long does a dream stay in your memory?

Do you feel inspiration comes from within oneself??????

Here is my experience with one Recurring DREAM which makes me feel motivated and full of confidence because I dared to DECODE it!!!

At the end of a busy day, after running to reach the office or in the evening making way through city traffic to get back home to their loved ones, all a mortal yearns for is a peaceful sleep. And here, after a  long stressful day (I say them fight-full day, coz to me  life is a battlefield where everyone is fighting for their survival) when I lay back on my cozy bed , sometimes,  in those dark , lonely , frightful nights , I see few blur horrendous reflections, may be just  created by my mind.

I ignore.

Then they used to come every other night, keeping me awake for all those time. I turn left and I turn right, but to no avail, they were still there. They kept haunting me, and as usual left me helpless.

I just try to shut my eyes, but can feel that with passing time they were growing incredibly high and powerful.

I fear.

Are these horrendous reflections from my subconscious memory?

Did they really happen sometime in my past?

Were they just nightmares?

I ask.

One night I spent studying them, as somewhere in my heart I believed that they were here to tell me something. Something that was very important for my course of life. These were the signs that may showcase my inner fear/weakness or may lead to my goal or may be lucky enough to crack complexities of my inner gratification. (I am wandering with loads of questions like this.)

I think.

The more I think about them, study them and understand them, the more they turned nicer to me. They now appear like a song, rather, a beautiful song to me. I do remember the melody but can’t recall the words, next morning.

I act.

My horrendous turned beautiful dream was now decoded, and then it never get repeated, ‘coz I understood its meaning and the purpose.

I learn.

For me they can be best described in these words (cited:  googlereads),

“ I am a song ,

Lyrics and a melody.

I deserve music and words,

To tell me what I am worth.

I deserve campfires at night,

Like the stars shinning bright.

I deserve a song……

If only I could write one.”

PS : Never let your memories greater than your dreams , they will only scare you.

At the midnight hour, when it’s too dark

I am up at this hour, thinking deep and dark. There is no reason or meaning to this and believe me nothing romantic also. This is just an extraction of words, or the best way to define is ‘distraction using words’.

I am cuddled into shadows of my belongings which are almost – invisible, feeling suffocated and fatigue.  Life is good; it gives you a substance and battle field to win. You work hard and win hearts. You long for peace to get recharge. But also, life is uncertain. Just when you wish to close eyes and relax it pushes you deep into dark, enough to see your inner pain.

Hour after hour it turns out to be darker. My eyes are sinking to an unending depth, bearing some scary sounds that echo from my chest. I wish only to obtain some breeze, nothing else would dare to appeal. I have to see so many dreams and they are waiting for me, it seems. But am busy loosing the fight against dark, and becoming its denizen.

Here I am,  sitting useless in my bed, the power is gone :(. I am feeling flat and have nothing more to write. Hope when you read this you would be going to start a wonderful day. For I have heard miracles do happen, this is the evil one, that is happening to me tonight 😦


Here goes a pic from my archives . Dated : December 23,2008



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