Saakshi Nagpal

Archive for the tag “Sadness”

Love yourself

Hey Guys and pretty gals !

Whatz up ?

February has come, and has brought along the season of love ❤ , love is in the air …isn’t it ? Radio is playing only love songs, websites are flashing dating tips and valentine ideas. Markets are decorated with colors of red, heart shaped balloons are sold on every traffic signal.
 
It’s all mushy – mushy feelings inside every young heart. Want to dress up nicely, look your best, struggling to find one perfect gift, filtering love songs for a romantic playlist, planning romantic getaways or that elusive date. Just love and happiness all around. Icing on the cake , end of season sale is still on ( 🙂 ). Dil to bacha hai jee ….

So why is it, that out of 12 months we feel February to be the most romantic. We have 365 days in a year , but we celebrate 14th of Feb as the Day of Love. Oh man, all we ever want is LOVE, then why do we celebrate this for just one day.

Ah ! Well I am not the person to answer this; rather I should not be doing so. Valentine day is for the people who are in love, and I assume I am (at present) in love with this random hobby of writing. If I look at my blog stats I am celebrating it once in a week (for a novice, its fair enough).

Winters are always looked upon, thanks to poets, as a sad, rude, and blue, with cold emotions. Somehow I can relate to it. Long term illness (struggling with allergic dry cough for more than 70 days is tough, trust me !) and few unfavorable unexpected situations made me little unfocused and burn out this winters. I am tired and want to be back. This sadness and the feeling of despair is ruining me, need a break now.  I took a short break from writing, just to avoid spreading sadness. Though all this time I felt blessed with the love you have shown and bestowed me with positive energy. I love all the comments (on blog), they are fantastic. Thanks for your support.

Spring is the season of love, full of hopes, colors and youthfulness. It’s the perfect time to pull up my socks and wake up the ‘why not’ or ‘let’s do it’ side of me (I am so missing that).

 I am helping myself and have started doing the things I always love to do.

1.       Cooking

I am a foodie. Loves to cook, serve and eat. Due to cough was avoiding standing in kitchen and then scared with the very thought of doing the dishes with freezing water.This season, will experiment on some continental dishes.

 2.       Reading

Someone suggested few books , to help me find the answer to ‘who I am , what I am doing …. Bla bla ‘ . And Voila….Shantaram is in my hand , these days.

3.       Music

 Enrique Iglesias, I love you. I am listening all those sexy – dulicit tones again and again. As you Enrique say ‘I will survive’, I will.

4.       Dance

Wish to dance like a free bird and put my heart out. It’s soothing, relaxing and a great workout. ( I just don’t like gym environment). Who knows I may give Sheila, Munni , Chameli , Jalebi bai ,  a decent competition … LOL !!

I am a Punjabi , bring it on those racing heartbeats,  dhol beats , give me some adrenaline rush.

5.       Freak out

This is the February, the most happening month. I am going to enjoy all the romantic movies, going out for long walks, nice 🙂 dinners. You never know when cupid strikes? 😉

6.       Believe in my self and Love myself

Ah ! can’t help this , I am my favourite. A little madness in the spring is a wholesome goodness for this fair maiden!!!!
Let’s  see what this season holds for me .
 
What about you guys , what are your valentine day plans 😉  !!

 

Love,

Saakshi

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The pursuit of sadness

Have you ever experienced such a feeling that by each passing moment it feels like something is terribly missing? Something isn’t right. Have you ever faced this miserable –sinful feeling that everyone around you is in a situation just because of you.

I am in such a phase for the past few days. I know I am committing a crime. It’s only my musing power that has gone beyond its acceptable limit and is the culprit of my pitiful condition.  I prefer to remain silent, full of self guilt, confused, in a state of emptiness, hopelessness.. ..Simply sad (you can imagine any bollywood movie scene) losing my beautiful life’s battle to my worries and fear. It’s so easy to fall into feelings of despair.

 Why am I like this…One day I am so cheerful and happy like a sunshine, the other day sad, crying, despair  ? (cut short chinta mani)

Sadness and happiness are two relative words (oh come on everybody knows this, what’s new?) .We , homosapiens!  Always try to protect ourselves from sadness, run away from the things that have the potential to hit back at us, make us feel as if we are powerless to change these circumstances.  It’s an irony; we worry and fear for things that make us happy. We remain in doubt whether they will happen. Why don’t we simply make them happen? 

It’s our time, It’s our life, we can do what we like, for the price of a smile, why do we cry?

You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”

I love drama. I am in love with life and have full of emotions. I am a genius of sadness, can immerse myself deeply into it, can separate numerous strands. I am a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum. I am sad; at times I am like this.

Am I sad? Am I in pain? Yes I am. I should be rather grateful, I feel alive . Else , its just work all day, moving from one task to the other . I should be happy, I am alive as a human not a machine. I got a reason to celebrate myself and take a break.

Life is a perfect balance. (Thee has designed it like this way, and how come He can go wrong!) There are two beams which depict two phases of our life in a cyclic way. At a given point of time, only one is heavier.

As per my observations (I haven’t lived even half of average life boosted by experts) One beam is for feelings of joy, confidence, strong self esteem and feeling on cloud 9. Another beam is for despair, a lack of finding meaning/answer/purpose of life. Sometimes walking back home I realize how miraculous is the feeling of being alive and blessed with what a wonderful gift –Life , the most undefined , unwritten , unpredicted and  unknown. There are days when the same path let me wonder about the disasters in an instant ! Money, health, relationships, friends everything (surprisingly, they all go off track together) act like a black hole; pulling me to their indefinite depth and making me lost to nowhere.

In midst of such circumstances we curse God, ‘where is HE  while all this is happening to me? ‘ How many of us have actually got the answer ? The same beautiful, precious Life seems to be a brutal struggle.

There is one more characteristic of Life – it’s uncertain. We often tend to forget this. It’s our mistake not His.

Sometimes we do not achieve what we set out to do, or something we have had or achieved is taken from us. When the world about us changes, particularly if it is sudden or dramatic, we must adapt to everything. The world is then not what we thought. We are not what we thought we were.. The old picture has been taken away, the old world we knew  that gave us comfort is gone, there is no choice but to form a new world, a new picture of how we think things are.

 

Stay Happy , keep smilling 🙂

Saakshi

PS :  “Don’t be ashamed to weep; ’tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our lost ones is sealed inside to comfort us.”
Brian Jacques, Taggerung

 

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