Keep expectations , Keep moving forward
Jhilmil loves to dress up in a feminine way, adjusting sari drapes and adoring herself in mirror. She enjoys spicy Indian street food. . She longs for spending time with her childhood friend, Barfi. Though she is autistic but she is just like any regular girl. She keeps her guards high. One fine day she experienced insecurity and jealousy from Shruti. Shruti is Barfi’s ex. She was expecting Barfi’s complete attention which now Shruti was sharing. She felt so bad, so ignored andso lonely that she left the place silently.
She was in love with Barfi.
Jhilmil and Barfi were childhood friends but what made her realize that she is in love with him ?
After Jhilmil left, Barfi lost the zeal of life. He then realized he was in love with her. Why? Earlier he was trying to get rid of her. Now, she when is gone, what has changed? Why he have an urge to get her back in his life?
The beautiful adorable couple faced such separation because their expectations from each other did not meet. Does it look like most of the love stories today? Either they are maturing together or ruining their self because of ‘expectations’.
Our expectations determine whether we feel good or bad – happy or sad – content or angry – over whatever happens in our lives. They impact how we feel about our relationships, work, friends, and people we meet on the street, special days like holidays or birthdays and the world around us. Expectations set up the judge and jury on how we feel about our lives and ourselves. Our expectations are a ‘big deal’.
Some wise people have said, don’t keep expectations or keep them at minimal. It will only hurt you. But tell me, if you won’t expect anything from anyone, how will you cherish the gift you have in your kitty? How will you feel the precious love around you? We usually fight with friends, family and loved ones over various sensible and stupid reasons. Try digging out the nature of those arguments, you will find it’s always the difference in expectation level. These are the relationships worth fighting for. These are the relationships worth keeping expectations for. If you don’t have dreams what are you going to live for? Similarly If you don’t have expectations what are you going to achieve?
In any matrimonial alliance, the most common, initial and important question one stakeholder asks the other is ‘what are your expectations from this settlement?’
To determine the ‘big deal’ of our expectations, we have many unhealthy ways to try to meet them. Many struggle to fulfill them by pushing or controlling situations to fit into the mold already created. We may use manipulation, persuasion, passive aggression or intimidation (with anger or tears) to fill our expectations.
There are many different types of expectations that like approval, respect, attention, and love; validation of our good self, qualities and success; to have power or control on situations; to be taken care of by others and so on. If we didn’t receive them while growing up then it would impact our today’s expectations; whether we will receive them now or not. We may even unconsciously select or attract people to fill these types of expectations.
Many times we have expectations that are not reasonable or realistic, but that doesn’t mean that we are “bad” or demanding. It just means that we hope for things that, perhaps, we didn’t get at some time in our life.
Now, when I am entering in the 2nd quarter of life (oh yeah!! I expect myself to live 100 years. . . ) My mom’s expectations are changing, earlier she expected me to behave nicely, study well, speak in a polite cheerful way. Now she expect me to behave maturely, look into family issues, help her (read guide her) through various issue. etcetera. Her expectations are shaping me up to be the lady she has dreamed of me. She always wants me to go for higher studies, be independent and take my own decisions, because this is what she was expecting herself in her time.
Expectations define your relations.
For friendships, you might want to consider what you are looking for, and what do you want from a friend. How do you expect to handle conflict and communication with them? How are feelings and thoughts shared? How much trust do you have in your friendship? How much emotional dependency is ok?
For romantic relationships – How do you define love and what do you expect from love? How do you approach problems and situations with your partner – as a team or independently and what does that do to your expectations?
When we can understand our expectations and where they come from, then we can begin to select those we wish to keep and begin to chuck out those that hold us back. We begin to gain more control and feel more content with our lives. Expectations give hope and excitement to our lives. They give us the pushing factor to make them happen.
If I say ‘I wanna grow old with you’ I am expecting that you will be with me and I’ll do my best to hold you till eternity. Barfi had expectations from life, he wanted Jhilmil to be with him, he then made it happen.
Keep expectations, keep moving forward.