Saakshi Nagpal

Archive for the month “July, 2011”

At the midnight hour, when it’s too dark

I am up at this hour, thinking deep and dark. There is no reason or meaning to this and believe me nothing romantic also. This is just an extraction of words, or the best way to define is ‘distraction using words’.

I am cuddled into shadows of my belongings which are almost – invisible, feeling suffocated and fatigue.  Life is good; it gives you a substance and battle field to win. You work hard and win hearts. You long for peace to get recharge. But also, life is uncertain. Just when you wish to close eyes and relax it pushes you deep into dark, enough to see your inner pain.

Hour after hour it turns out to be darker. My eyes are sinking to an unending depth, bearing some scary sounds that echo from my chest. I wish only to obtain some breeze, nothing else would dare to appeal. I have to see so many dreams and they are waiting for me, it seems. But am busy loosing the fight against dark, and becoming its denizen.

Here I am,  sitting useless in my bed, the power is gone :(. I am feeling flat and have nothing more to write. Hope when you read this you would be going to start a wonderful day. For I have heard miracles do happen, this is the evil one, that is happening to me tonight 😦

Fear – A stopage before victory

English: Title of motivation and emotion

Image via Wikipedia

We dream of becoming heroes.

We dream to hear large audience’s applause and cheering our names.

We dream to be a star.

We dream of victory.

And, in reality …….

We have sleepless nights.

We hopelessly get anxious over defeat.

We perspire and we are nervous.

And this is when …..

We Fear.

FEAR is an acronym in the English language for “False Evidence Appearing Real

I too have dreams (a lot of them) and subsequently few fears. What stops me from getting over them and achieve what I want to – is, a sense that people around me might disapprove “what I aim to be”, worst the sense of being embarrassed in front of all.

I fear of public speaking (on a broader spectrum, socializing). And at times think myself as an introvert (which certainly I am not). I stick to my belief that underestimating my potential would be the worst I can do to myself, so, I start digging my mind to find the roots of my hesitation (as I feel I was much active and participated regularly in my school days).I was happy to observe that am bit less of a social person now but duly content with myself. However this ‘solitude’ at times haunts. (Yes! I confess.)

So on my mission to revamp, I am in no mood of entertaining myself with a silly excuse ‘not going to do, because of fear of failure’, which by matter of fact is true and it’s a human tendency. (I v/s myself – on this fight am always on).

Fear is a habit like self pity, defeat, anxiety, despair, hopelessness and resignation. I wish to dump all this junk out of my sacred mind and soul with two simple resolves – I can and I will.

So here I am with a RED – GREEN – YELLOW plan; traffic lights with a twist. (A big round of applause, it’s designed by – “ME”!!). Here goes the plan …

•           RED: – Stop and say HI J(in person, online forums, or on an IM). Idea is to de-sensitize myself at social situations only in a motivating way. Building courage and expanding my comfort, being genuine at the same time.

•           GREEN: – GO! Take THE action. Being motivated is just not enough. Absorbing the positive energy and taking action to bring the change is vital. There are so many wonderful ways to act and am sure they would be bringing gains along with them. Simply take a piece of paper (or open a new word documentJ) and pen down whatever crosses my mind. Motivation is important else it can be hard to get going and knowing actually what needs to be done to bring the change.

•           YELLOW: – Next to motivation and action is FOCUS. Focus on the amazing work to be inspired more and maintain the spark (I usually call it as the ‘charm’).

I know failure will haunt back, at least to someone with a fragile mind set as mine. After all I define fear as a block on one’s mentality and confidence. So here I am with my disguise skills. I plan to disguise my mind by looking at the other side of coin. If I fail, there would be some lesson; it would automatically create room for improvement. Just need to catch it. No one is going to kill me if I fail, it won’t be the end of the world, I will still be alive, very much alive to move on with full energy and inspiration, determined to fight back again. I would not be at square one again. I have achieved something. Earlier I was hesitating to start and now I actually have started!!

I am open to hear what failure needs to tell me because I impatiently want to taste success.

This inspiration comes to me from my niece. She got a beautiful bicycle as her birthday present and also has fear of riding it. But after one or two bruises, she was ready to invite me for a lift and can even bet for a race. If this sweet little kid can do it, then why can’t a grown up mature woman like me can’t do?

I have learnt that an addiction to positivity can lessen the fear in my mind of what might happen in a new, unfamiliar situation or how someone might respond to what I am saying. A negative view of the world can create fear and hold me back.

And if ever I lose motivation, inspiration and focus (cut short, my charm) I will come back to this page, read my own words and be my own motivation. I hope it will work; I can’t let myself down 😉

Friends, wish me luck. I need it ‘coz darr ke aage jeet hai  🙂

A pre (well) planned documented life.

Would it be possible if we have the life’s or at least the most defining moments of life snappily written in bullet points on a slide share, drafted and presented on a template resembling to project plan and estimation matrix  sheet.

Our capabilities would have then been judged by the way we manage our estimation exactly to the actual parameters, keeping in mind the risk factor that may involve.

Wouldn’t it be great if we maintain “lessons learned” document sincerely and honestly and review it frequently moving through moment by moment of our life. Eventually taking them as a standard base as to act accordingly as we grow old.

Wouldn’t it be perfect !!

Persistence Pays

I am often termed as being aggressive when it comes to my firm holding of belief, no matter how hard they try to convince me with their solution. I persist of being myself, simply rejecting anything which could hit me hard.

It’s rightly said ‘persistence pays’. ALWAYS.

I would not accept any statement just because majority of people believe in ‘such’ protocol. I will do what I wanted to (bluntly saying, beating my own drum). Results will come to me, eventually owing to my repeating and persistent efforts.

Hey wait, I just said “results will come to me”. The results can be anything positive or negative. It depends upon aim, purpose and the way I fight. If the combo sets right, I am the winner, hurray J(I have been the drum in melody). However if the combo has even the slightest of variation from what we call as “right” then it’s a tai tai phish(I have beaten the drum in an awful manner).

Considering me as a strong will powered human like a rock. There are two scenarios.

Scenario 1: A rock under ironsmith’s hammer.

Pretty obvious, I am fighting the wrong way and preparing myself well for a blast. On the other hand the tool placed on me will become sharper. Repeated hammering would produce a fracture in me (the rock) and me broken eventually.

Scenario 2: A rock at dhobi ghat.

Have you ever been to a dhobi ghat? Have you ever experienced to touch the washing stone? To much of your amuse it is smooth like a marble or glass, though absorbing the continuous friction from repeated hits of wet clothes. I (the rock) would have been outshining myself to the glory. Quite possible if the fight prolongs I may become granite one day 😉

Ironsmith’s hammer did not say the rock was to strong nor did the wet clothes. They continued to do what they wanted to. Hammer persistence fuelled with the right combo resulting in breaking the rock. On the other hand, the rock sticking itself to ground holding firm aim to be there, smoothen up, irrespective of the harshness of wet clothes.

So, yes, it is right persistence do pay but the bottom line is ‘the way you spend it’.

This is what I have learnt. Please excuse me of listing weird comparisons. The only thing I am left with is it to find “measures for the right combo”. Need help!!!!



PS: My aggressiveness have earned me a title ‘angry bird’ addressed with a broad smile just to cut down the effect J

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