Saakshi Nagpal

Archive for the tag “worry”

One Moment … One Life

Hie ,

One lIfe

One lIfe

I always wonder how one text, one song, one mistake, one lie, one word, one truth, and one person could change your mood in one moment.

Strange but it happens this way.

I wonder how happiness starts with one word, one joke, one text, one phone call, one song, one hug, one kiss , one look … and stops with one mistake !!

I wonder why it’s just one moment that holds the power to get attached or get detached ?

Why just one moment to decide either to make it or break it ?

Too much dependency on emotions , matters of heart ..  😦

But that’s what makes us feel alive.  Moment by moment we fall in love with life.

We move ahead.

We take decisions.

We react and then anticipate.

We hold our faith.

We create pleasant and self favorable myths.

We love. We live . We die.

I wonder how many of you can give a big shout out with me

I am in love with life .. I am alive . . .each moment and every moment

Love,
Saakshi

Resolving Conflicts

Just Imagine :

You’ve just arrived to your workstation which you share with a colleague, and it looks as if it’s going to be another frustrating day.

Your side of the office is neat as a pin and incredibly well organized. You take care not to talk loudly when you’re on the phone, so that you don’t disturb your office mate.

Your colleague, however, is the exact opposite. Empty cups and crushed biscuits wrappers litter his side of the office. He sometimes puts the music on while he’s working, which breaks your concentration. And hell breaks when he is chit chatting with others while you are on call.  Stationary items at your side of office are often misplaced, at times you dread yourself coming into the office every day, simply because you don’t like sharing your space with your colleague. He drives you crazy, and you often argue.

Can you recognize that there’s conflict between you two because the two of you have completely different working styles.

Let us try to understand this..

What’s Conflict?

It’s the difference of opinion with two or more people, real or perceived that is not resolved, worst if someone is getting aggressive.

All of us experience one or the other conflicts at work, personal life and even in Toastmasters. Members can have disagreements over programming, logistics, meeting styles and people.

Conflict is not always bad. When it is addressed and resolved, conflict often leads to positive changes, increased productivity, better decisions, innovation and bonding among people. Adversely, unresolved conflict can lead to poor productivity, low morale, distrust, and failure.

A leader must know how to handle conflict.  He/ She can choose to ignore it, complain about it, blame someone for it, or try to deal with it through hints and suggestions; or can be direct, clarify what is going on, and attempt to reach a resolution through common techniques like negotiation or compromise.

Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution is what we do to identify and address conflict in a mature and respectful way.

Why there are conflicts?

Root cause of all conflict and complaints – unmet expectations. Unmet Expectations from others!

Lets us take a closer look when and where conflicts occur.

a)      Conflicting resources

ð  We all need access to certain resources –  office supplies, meeting rooms, scheduling conference calls via desk phones. There are n no of employees and limited resources , hence their needs can be at odds.

 b)      Conflicting Styles

ð  Everyone works differently according to  his/her individual need and personality. For instance some people love the thrill of getting things done at the last minute, while others need the structure of strict deadlines to perform. Whenever there is a difference in working style it may call a conflict.

 c)       Conflicting Perception

 All of us see the world through our own lens, and difference in perceptions of events cause conflict. For instance HR Work from Home policy. There will be employees happy with such a policy being strictly followed, whereas there may be few who are not that pleased. Their perception – why it bothers so much to HR when by any means the work is done. Office politics comes in this section.

d)      Conflicting Goals.

Sometimes we have conflicting goals in our work. We all work on projects which involve multiple stakeholders.  One of them may ensure the high quality service is top priority but another stakeholder may focus on regular project updates and statistics. It’s sometimes quite difficult to reconcile the two!

e)  Conflicting Pressures

We often have to depend on our colleagues to get our work done. However, what happens when you need a report from your colleague by noon, and he’s already preparing a different report for someone else by that same deadline?

f). Different Personal Values

ð   Imagine that your boss has just asked you to perform a task that conflicts with your ethical standards. Do you do as your boss asks, or do you refuse? If you refuse, will you lose your boss’s trust, or even your job? I hope this won’t be case with anyone here.

g)  Misunderstandings

 When rules and policies change at work and you don’t communicate that change clearly to your team, confusion and conflict can occur. Lack of or incomplete communication can lead to misunderstandings.

 Cost to individual

No points for guessing, conflicts are generally destructive in nature, with time, emotional and health costs. Conflicts with others results in stress, loss of confidence, unhappiness, hostility, withdrawal and even illness.

Cost to the organization

Research indicates that a typical manager loses 25% of the day responding to helpful conflict. This is time lost to creative, productive work.

Take a medium sized organization with 100 managers. Let’s assume average monthly salary per manager is Rs 80,000. With managers losing 25% of their time on conflict, the cost will be Rs20, 00,000

This only accounts for management time. The true cost will include higher employee time, higher staff turnover, missed opportunities, absenteeism, inefficiency, low morale and poor teamwork.

 How to resolve conflict

So how do you deal with conflict and complaints?

Do you become aggressive back when it becomes a matter of who “wins” or “loses” the argument?

Or do you use cunning and well thought through communication and interpersonal skills to get you through the other end with the outcome that you desired?

In any case if a conflict has taken place, being a leader you have to approach it.

Method 1 : Ignore it.

In some situations, the issue may not be important and it may be best to ignore it. Often, though, this method does not work. The conflict does not go away.

 It festers.

Method 2. Smooth it over.

 This method is appropriate when the issues are more important to the par­ties involved than they are to you and the team’s goals. This method preserves harmony and goodwill.

 It heals.

 Method 3  Force.

  A leader uses power to resolve differences. This method is best used when an emer­gency requires a quick decision. However, it usually results in “winners” and “losers,” and losers can be resentful.

 It wounds.

 Method 4. Compromise.

 Each party makes a major concession to arrive at a solution. Since both parties lose something, they may have less support for the compromise solution.

 It either unites or divides.

Method 5. Collaboration.

This is a good way to resolve conflict. Each side recognizes the other’s needs as legitimate and important and acknowledges their ability and expertise. They work together to arrive at an agreement that will resolve the conflict. When each party wins, they have greater commitment to the solution and no resentment or distrust

It spreads harmony.

Collaboration offers a framework that will result in a win-win situation. You can facilitate the collabo­ration process by following these seven steps:

  1. Find the root cause.

Once the issues have been determined, focus on solutions not blames.

  1. Allow all parties to speak

3. Encourage all parties to listen.

4. Identify areas of disagreement..

5. Identify areas of agreement. Once everyone has spoken, help them find and discuss areas they agree on, such as: Common goals, Interests and values

6. Search for solutions. Everyone

7. Reach a consensus, by, THE BRAINSTORMING METHOD

All ideas are written down as they are generated, without discussion or evaluation.

After the ideas are exhausted, team members return to the first item on the list and discuss it, evaluating its positive and negative aspects.

Eventually, the list is narrowed to the idea that best resolves the problem

Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution is what we do to identify and address conflict in a mature and respectful way.

 

When it is handled well it can lead to

  • Improved relationships between those who were in conflict
  • Increased understanding for the different parties around a situation or topic
  • The identification and hopefully, the improvement of the processes that aren’t working

If conflict is not handled well.

if it is allowed to escalate , relationships , the team’s ability to function, the workplace , and the product or service produced will all suffer. So understanding how to handle conflict is vital to ensuring that you can be as effective as possible in the workplace.

Somebody told me, leadership is not just about managing people it’s more about managing people’s ego.

 This article was actually my speech as one of the projects required for ALB (Advance Leader Bronze) Certification by Toastmasters.

Stay Calm and Blessed,

Saakshi

Awesomeness Personified

Hie,

How to be awesome in whatever you do?

If you think for a while that my next blog is going to be just a manual on How to be awesome, you are probably wrong. I am no trainer/teacher/coach to instruct you in few easy steps that how to be awesome!
I believe we all are awesomeness personified and just need to search the hidden persona of ours. There are always two different faces of a coin. If nature has beautiful snow covered peaks, it also has disruptive volcanoes. The point is where you are looking. One individual can’t be good at all things. If anyhow the person tries to be, there would be few weak points.

I like reading and occasionally write on my blog , but unfortunately from past few months life (ok, I am exaggerating ; my mood or emotions or outlook whatever you name it) has taken a 360 degree turn. All for bad. No, I am not cribbing or showing my irritation here on a public forum nor I am doing this in my real life but somewhere unconsciously its effecting me badly , I appear pale and lost most of the times . Happiness and smile are long lost entities and that’s one of the reasons of blogging ‘so rarely’.

I am going to work, finishing all my daily tasks, attending trainings (May – Aug my calendars are decorated with all sort of trainings. September will see me an improvised super human being 🙂  ). I am getting good rankings, appreciations, rewards, challenging projects. Strangely, I am socializing more, reading more books, I am losing my appetite and am an insomniac now. A strange demoralized phase in which I am in, is unfolding all my hidden weakness and finally adding it to my stress level.

Tony Robbins (an American Self help author and motivational speaker) says “In life you need either inspiration or desperation”. I choose inspiration. Inspiration from my own strengths.
So listing my strengths …
I am creative, confident, open minded, have a good patience level, ambitious, good at analyzing and organizing things. I am committed to my commitments. I am a quick learner. I can write well. I can push people to pursue their goals.bla bla bla ..
So, as the list goes on for my strengths similarly I have few ( !! 🙂  !! ?? 🙂 ) weaknesses also .

Whatever they may be as I have said earlier , I am following Tony’s advice. Choosing inspiration over desperation . Inspiration from my strengths and disguising myself for a while that there exists no weakness that can potentially pull me down from being an awesome soul.

You may have completely different opinions on this subject matter and I respect that but according to me, it would be a painful experience when you are suddenly confronted with some bitter moment(s) of your life . A moment where the only word that could define it is “Crap”. A “double crap” when it’s exposed to everyone. Grr !! Public humiliation. You may either chose one way where you can escape from by just saying “this is the way I am” or falling in a guilt pit 😦 . My conscious chooses the first one that is not claiming your weakness as a badge of your identity. This is like putting your best foot forward, accepting yourself with the weakness and getting a inspiration to keep rising higher.

If you can’t overcome weakness, then why not shine your strengths more.

Doubts ???

Stay awesome , be awesomeness personified.
Saakshi

Life is what you make of it

Coffee bean on transparent background. Better ...

Coffee bean on transparent background. Better resolution version is to come. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hie,

Got the following story in a mail, feel like sharing with you all. Indeed a big life lesson from a small simple incident.

Here it goes ….

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee…You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘ Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, mother?’

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be COFFEE!

 

Keep the spirits high,

Saakshi

The Expert Enough Manifesto


Image Source : Google Images

Ladies manifesto


Image Source : Google Images

This is your life.

Image source : Google Images

The Quest of the Sparrows

English: Book cover for the book The Quest of ...

Image via Wikipedia

It was some 5 hour journey during the day today with un-limited questions fighting in my mind and few medical reports and co-incidentally bank statement; which gives mirror image of my present state. I am frustrated and annoyed with myself. I am doing a bit for myself and lives a happy serene life , but at times (this comes at a frequency of 6 months) feel unstable and very string vibes of something missing.

Just trying to distract myself , I bought a book to read while traveling. Never knew reading just 20 pages will calm me down .

Thought I should share some excerpts with you. It could have been a  sin , if I choose to keep it with myself.

Book – The Quest of the Sparrows

Authors – Kartik Sharma & Ravi ‘Nirmal’ Sharma

We live in times when media is the king. It’s only interested in financial figure, records and achievements. Spirituality isn’t an object of desire, or even in the headlines; still, you are here. I bow to your spirit, which believes in what no one has seen and marches to a destination that appears to be even harder to achieve than the biggest material goal.

Most human beings search for eternal happiness. Yet, why is it elusive? Most people fail to achieve it by following idealism, spiritualism, capitalism, materialism, socialism or other-isms. Why do they meet disillusionment?

Why does a sparrow, which knows no “-isms”, live without the worries which accompany human beings? What is it we manage throughout our complex lives? Merely survival. Hey, something is wrong – because the bird does the same, effortlessly. So what’s the big difference between us and the helpless sparrow? Don’t you think we’re missing something? What is it?

Forget the sparrow for a moment. Think of all the people in this world. They go to their workplaces in the morning and then return in the evening, like swinging pendulums. But does a pendulum swing aimlessly away and towards the centre? Or does it personify something more , like time? That depends on what you associate with life? Is it aimless or does it have a higher purpose? Like pendulum, it swings between two states – birth and death. What gives it meaning? Can anyone answer ?

The divine . One answer , could be . But that’s a lofty ideal for us beginners. Think of something more practical. Look around you; is everything the same as it was a century ago? What has happened in all these years?

Evolution. Probably ,another answer. Yes . Between birth and death is evolving. That’s the higher meaning of our lives. But what do most people do ? They achieve, lose, feel happy or sad, celebrate and mourn. They merely move to and fro like a ball of a pendulum, with hardly any peace. Even among believers, everyone is religious but very few are truly spiritual. Is it all linked or unrelated? Think over it. Find the connection, and I think we will be able to solve the riddle of life.

Stay Blessed,

Saakshi

Thank God it’s Friday

I was trying to open my eyes at wee hours of the beautiful Friday morning. I was at bliss!!

The sunbeams through window were brightening up the room. The moment, wow, it was so pure, sigh!!

I happily slid outside my warm blanket, put on the slippers and in next few seconds I was out at the terrace. Experiencing the divine feeling of something, which we, rather ignorantly, say – Good Morning.

Flashback: Thurs – Day and the Night

Not just as always, but slightly extra overloaded, pathetic, tiring day at work. The overlap UK and US hours or our Indian evening hours , which make me terribly think of myself as some local call center employee (with no intention to offend) rather than a busy IT professional. I am sick and tired, longing for a peaceful goodnight’s sleep.

 3 conference calls, 2 follow up calls, 1 team meeting , 3 project deliverables, 180 ingoing and outgoing e-mails , 7-8 chat windows , 6 personal calls , 5 cups coffee , no breakfast , lunch of a sparrow , one last crispy piece of spring role , few custom action failures , excel sheets with annoying macros (project reports, they say) , phone battery dying and crying for help (m gone deaf 😦), meeting invite for previous date (that was embarrassing), arrangements to rescue Holi celebrations, never going migraine and on and on …..This you call a day, which ends when you realize you are the last one on the floor. Leave; call it a day, now!!!

 There is one more element, a vital one – dinner. Veg Chinese Sizzler, with green mint dip. Loved it 🙂

Back home, hit the bed and I am dead. Needless to say, it was early A.M timings.

Back to Present: Friday Morning

 Leisure of a blissful, beautiful morning! I live on the top floor of this building with a terrace facing state highway and a park. Saw senior neighbors practicing yoga and chunk of ladies taking rounds of their morning walks, a kid washing the cars , some punctual professionals ready in their formal attire carrying their bags waiting at the bus stop, and a tree with long leaves of the shades of yellow and orange, scattered everywhere on the road, pavement, on the roof of cars and park. Strangely, I fell in love with this autumn feeling at this time of spring.

Back to my room, my bed, ohh , I am back to my laziness , zzzzzzz sleeping. The one I desired for.

 This time dawn seems to be a struggle, I woke up at P.M timings. Wondering why the alarm fails to bring me back from dead. Still in process of waking up , I made efforts to find my soul mate , that was supposed to be next to me , near my pillow. (Let me remind all, I call my mobile phone as my soul mate). He was almost dead. Oh, poor baby, more than me, he needed a life. I am a good host. I rushed to my desk, got the equipment, and put the soul mate to his ventilator. Wishing him speedy recovery, I made myself a big cup of green tea and start making my today’s To-Do list. (I am old-fashioned , paranoid, have this habit). Voila 🙂 🙂 🙂 , nothing, just one Toastmaster’s Meeting. Hurray !! 

Thank God it’s Friday.

 

Thank God it's Friday

Thank God it's Friday ; Image source - My work desktop screen shot.

 

 No deliverables, No Client Calls, No deadlines, ignoring the fact its 2nd of the month , no bills to pay , no , nothing.

 Yeah !!

Till now , it’s really been a Friday. I am enjoying , a bit sleepy , a bit tired but chirpy , bubbly playing with outlook , e-mails pouring in , e-mails shooting out. What more can I ask for, week long vacation approved , with few kind words of appreciation.

Yeah !! Fingers Crossed, I still have to travel back home , some 5 hrs road journey in a state roadways bus. I wish the rest of the day remains the same.

 As SRK would say “Din to abhi baki hai mere dost.”

 

 Love ,

 Saakshi

Love is a sweet poison

Single and alone. You must be reading this article because you probably are either in love and bearing its sweet side effects or you are single and alone and reading this article to boost your self esteem. I am sorry, friends, this is rather something more like my unfortunate (read, forceful) love story.

I proudly say that I am single and I live alone. I am big girl 🙂  . But now, I doubt.

A stalker, or I must say the crazy lover is back in my life , the one who once allegedly ruined my birthday (demand at your own risk) is in love – hate – love relationship with me. If you forgot – that’s THE scary mouse.
Mouse

I can’t believe, he is back!! buhuuuuuu ,can someone hear me crying. He must have read my previous posts where I was talking about love; and assumed that I needed someone by my side.

Trying his best to convince me, that it is okay, we both can share my studio apartment. He, obviously won’t be paying any rent, electricity bills (oh why would he, he is adaptable to environment, doesn’t own any mobile phone or laptop, and yuck, never shave!) , water bills (I wonder when he last had a bath)  etc etc. He is even confident, that this (he would be , wait , he is actually , my new roommate) will remain a secret from my landlord and there is no need to add his credentials on rent agreement. He promises me that he will be entirely dependent on whatever I will feed him , be it anything edible human food item , or my clothes/curtains/beddings etc . Finally he is signing up the deal, assuring me of a hidden bonus – hygiene factor. This is very simple, if he remains, oh I am so sorry, If he stays here, then I have to have clean my dishes before using them 😦

Do you guys think, he is successful in closing this deal? Nopes. I am in no mood to give up. I am fighter and this place belongs to me. Any outsider/refugee needs to go out, miles far away so that I can enjoy MY life, MY place peacefully. After all, I am working day-night, not just to earn some brown bread high on nutrition low on fat butter, but this serene place too. Experience, and probably some researches would say so, it is bit easier to find a job than a home.

Nothing derogatory, size does matter, It will be me who is going to rule, I can give a fight to a mouse. ( Can  I??? 😐 ) . My bad luck, I was a science student and studied Engineering, so can’t recall my biology lessons in school. It must be something like larger the heart the more someone is at risk of attack.

This someone, is me 😦

This mouse seems to be descendent of some fighter, or I should rather say a warrior! Whatever I do, he takes the game. Here comes the communication gap. He is trying to impress by surprising me, where as the truth is, I am more scared by such activities.

Current scenario, we are practically sharing my studio flat. When I am out at work, he enjoys his dive from the window to my bed, then to my side table and then lost . Lost because I am unable to find where else does he go afterwards. He do loves me (I can’t believe I am saying that ), he has never disturbed anything , my clothes are in good state , no itsy bitys bites (thankfully) and nothing is misplaced. When I am back , he obediently gets back into his hiding place and doesn’t bother me.

So , you must be wondering that what is making me so annoyed at him ? Tonight, he has a guest; one of his bulky macho type’s mouse2 has joined him. He (mouse2) is not aware of the rules and regulations we have silently agreed upon. He is too ugly. I apologize to animal welfare associations for insulting a little ( little !!!!) creature , but I am helpless.

Though I am still waiting for my yearly appraisal results and desperately waiting to know the incremented salary, no matter it’s being late , I tried to delight the mice couple  by treating them with  dropping extra amount of cheese on a big bread slice and topping it with oregano in the mouse trap and keeping rat kill cubes at all their hangout points in my flat. I know I am witty 🙂 . Hope they will help.

Mouse2  is jumping from bed to table , climbing curtains, playing hide-n-seek on my books rack , and here  I am  losing all my power and senses to rescue myself, sitting on  kitchen slab with the laptop to scribble the scariest night experience as my blog ,  keep an eye on his whereabouts (just to ensure , he stays away from me)and insanely screaming . I know I can be heard and disturbing my neighbors and security guard’s  power/beauty  sleep as they have knocked/phoned me to enquire , is everything alright ? ( I wish it could have been , I terribly need a goodnight’s sleep).

They are so lost in each other , playing and having such a good time , that they just forget  to have their yummy dinner and power packed sleep. Both are in a hyper active energetic mode, enjoying their night out.

Now, what shall I do ? Ahhh .. not done . Atleast have some human …errr… rat … nopes …. Living being’s perception , leave this innocent , sweet girl alone ! Leave my room , permanently !!

Do you think , my fighting and defending measures are good but this mice couple is superb ? Please consider this fact that I am scared of rodents and dogs to death. If you wish to lie, then do it decently 🙂

PS : Love is a sweet poison, that has the power to overrule the actual poison (rat kill) . Lesson of the day.

Hoping to remain single and happily live alone.

Saakshi

 

If you have some sympathies with me , then please share the story , spread the word, and help a sweet, innocent, scared to death girl.

 

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